i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
