So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
