Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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