Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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