Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
