First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
