I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
