I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
