i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
