Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
