i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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