Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
