We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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