you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
