imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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