I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize