you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
