God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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