i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
