Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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