i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
