A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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