At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
