I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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