We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
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I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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