We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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