hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
