I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Everclear isn't food dammit