Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.