my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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