My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom