I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
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Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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