If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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