so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
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Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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