I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
are you so shy because you have an std?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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