Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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