Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
