I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You may now shotgun with the bride
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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