So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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