Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Someone came in the potted fern
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
