I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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