Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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