You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
