Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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