I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
