You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
