I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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