some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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