Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
