The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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