pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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