The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
