i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
