Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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