Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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