youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
