she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
