I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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