also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
