So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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