It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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