dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I didn't notice because vodka
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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