You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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