So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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