Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
