all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
