so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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