I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
