i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
