How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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