I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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