last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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