I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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