Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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