Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
